I am not immune to self-doubt playing a role in my life. I don’t know that it’s something I’ll ever be completely rid of. But when it surfaces, I try to think my way through what is really going on. For me, this means writing out my thoughts or talking to a close friend.
One of the main areas that this happens for me is with dating. For some reason, I second-guess things I’ve said after I’ve said them when dating someone new. I know it’s partially because I feel like I’m still relearning to ride a bike again after not having ridden one for some time (I’ve been single for more than 5 years now). Another part is the fear of being rejected, repeatedly.
Another area this happens is when I step further outside my comfort zone and say yes to something big. Recently, this was accepting an invitation to speak in front of an audience of 400-600 attendees. Yikes! I started wondering if I could pull it off, if I would be able to share the right words, if people would be receptive of my message.
When self-doubt does creep in, I find it helpful to take some time to investigate why it’s showing up by asking myself a few questions.
- Did I say or do something that wasn’t in alignment with my truth?
- Am I worried that someone won’t accept the way I said or did something?
- Am I concerned about failing in some way?
When I’ve asked myself these questions when it relates to dating someone new, I’ve identified that a little of the old me is creeping back in, seeking acceptance externally. I worry about chasing off a man, when in fact the right man won’t be chased off by me sharing my truth. And with speaking, I allowed my mind to move into a space of whether little ‘ole me could really have an impact on that large of an audience.
I’ve come to realize that what self-doubt often boils down to is not feeling that you’re good enough. So when you stop to ask yourself questions like the ones above, you’ll be able to reconnect with your truth and work on stepping back into your belief in yourself. Then you’ll be able to remind yourself that the right people will receive your words and actions, they will welcome your truth. You will believe that whatever you’ve said yes to is meant for YOU; otherwise it wouldn’t have shown up.
I like to come back to reminding myself that speaking my truth is important to setting boundaries, creating meaningful connections, and living authentically. And saying yes to opportunities that are in alignment with my truth, no matter how scary they may feel, are great opportunities to learn and grow.
So when self-doubt begins to creep in, take a look at whether you’re in alignment with your truth. Trust that the right people will enter into your life and support you, and the right opportunities will show up.